RAD Holiday

Ray and I

For the next 10 or so years I lived the life of the ignorant, I am ashamed to say now that any time RAD was mentioned , I would say ‘Oh yes I’ve got that but it doesn’t bother me any more’.  How quickly one forgets when one perceives that they are better. I still was not educated about this disease , I hadn’t bothered to look, because mine had gone! The internet arrived so I had all the resources at my fingertips but ‘Iwas cured’ , how naïve could I be. I had the odd twinge and my fused wrist was inconvenient and would occasionally swell slightly and I complained bitterly about it when it did, I had forgotten the pain of my swollen, throbbing joints or at least buried the memory. Looking back there were a few episodes during the latter part of those ten years that should of raised alarm bells, but I think I was playing at being an Ostrich and kept my head tucked firmly in the sand!

My 10 year holiday came to an end and gradually RAD eased its way back into my life.  As the pain returned I did eventually give in and  was referred back to a Consultant Rheumatologist at Frimley Park Hospital, a canny Scot with a dry sense of humour, whose care I am still under. However I wasn't even honest with him, if I admitted how I felt it would be true, stronger painkillers were all I wanted. My bloods showed nothing my ESR was normal and at this stage CRP wasn't being monitored (or at least wasn't mentioned), up to this point I didn't even know what ESR was. In fact my ESR has remained in normal range throughout by battle with RAD its only my CRP that reflects the inflammation in my body. My feet started to hurt, I had days  where walking was painful, so a trip to the orthopaedic specialist followed and he ordered  some Xrays , he declared that my foot bones looked like they had been eaten by mice, he said you have Rheumatoid Arthritis and should be on medication to prevent further joint destruction. I was still in denial I almost looked around to see who he was talking to, the xrays looked alright to me!  My neck hurt for months, must be my pillow – it wasn’t RAD.  I convinced myself I was still OK I didn’t need meds and I didn’t need a specialist. Eventually I started to research RAD and looked in on forums to see what others were doing...I didn't need to join in ....I wasn't bad enough....

As the next few years rolled by painkillers became my new best friend as my left wrist joined my right, it wasn’t fused, but swollen and painful, my knees would hurt some days and so would my fingers and shoulders but only for a day or so and  then they’d be ok . My feet still hurt a lot of the time, but its surprising what you accept given time and see as 'normal'.  My Rheumatologist  treated me to periodic cortisone injections into various persistently swollen joints which helped no end, they eradicated the pain and swelling for months  on end and only added to my belief that I didn’t need  these toxic meds that he was now talking about and I refused to consider. I gradually got worse, my Rheumatologist was talking about MTX, I wasn't listening, I kept telling myself it would go...it had before , why wouldn't it again?  My health was in decline - I just wasn't ready to accept it.

Summer 2007 arrived along with increased pain, multiple stiff swollen joints, fatigue, morning stiffness and  reality – my RAD was back with a vengeance.  The worst was still to come.