Be kind - words can hurt

Happy New Year to everyone...2013 and I have realised that during 2012 I have neglected my blog Im not sure why...surely I must of had something to say...maybe  life just got in the way.

Any way one of my resolutions for this year is to pay more attention to my blog, at requests from some of my twitter followers I am going to include some new tabs for recipes and crafts.  I am gluten free, which some of you may know, I am not a Coeliac but intolerant,  if I eat wheat I suffer with severe migraines that last for days and send me to my bed.  Lots of my recipes are from traditional recipes adapted to be gluten free and of course many others contain no wheat anyway. This year also, inspired by Amy Badkin, I have made a quilt for my Granddaughter, have been making cushions and experimented with appliqué and varying other craft ideas.  I will share some of my success and failures with you .  This will follow soon and  I hope you all enjoy.

Im also considering having a guest tab...blogging has been very therapeutic for me and I know some of you would like to share your story/experiences but dont want to do a blog ...so let me know if your interested ..sharing is good J

Sadly my first post of the year has been tainted by a bad experience. I have recently been hurt and upset by a fellow twitter acquaintance and this post is not about 'he said she said 'or about blame but about the consequences of our actions.

I had assumed that this person, shall we call them X as I have no desire to name them, in fact its not really about them its about how they made me feel, was at the least an acquaintance we had exchanged e-mails a few times last summer and tweeted occasionally, now the ins and outs of what happened are not relevant but following an e-mail I sent to enquire if I had upset  them because they were not responding to me and apologising if I had indeed done so,  they made it very clear by their replies that they thought I was not a good twitter ‘friend’. This has hurt me ..not because of the loss of their acquaintance, because in truth I knew very little about them, but because I try very hard to be a good twitter friend, I had no idea what I had done to make them feel like this, it felt very personal.  It's confused me, I couldn’t see any direct tweets to me that I had missed and I certainly hadn’t been unkind.  I guess in a nutshell ... I don’t understand .......what I have done that has made them dislike me so much.....as a fellow rheumy I had hoped they were understanding and supportive.  Now no one has to follow anyone its freedom of choice and a public forum and Im really not caught up in the whole 'how many followers have you got' surely its quality that counts rather than quantity....but when someone you have had a relationship with of sorts, stops talking to you...it makes you wonder why and seek answers and resolution.  There have been many articles written about people taking Social Media sites too seriously and in many cases its true but as a Rheumy I know how important the twitter community can be.

It made me question ‘who I was’ on twitter, is this the way everyone sees me , am I a selfish tweeter  - I hope not!  I try to answer everyone who addresses me directly and if I have ever missed one of your tweets I apologise now.  I cant possibly answer every tweet that  the the people I follow post in general  on my time line there are hundreds every single day, but I do try and answer those that are directed at me ......my only guess is that because X was only following some 20 people they could easily reply to everyone...if they chose to. I guess like everyone my twitter has layers I have a few very close friends who are more than twitter friends,  albeit that we met through twitter, I have friends,  I have close acquaintances, I have people I chat to often, people I chat to occasionally and then some that I follow or who follow me that I have never even spoken to , but am still interested in their tweets or I wouldn’t be following them.  So I hope I treat all the people I know on twitter with respect and kindness, I hope I offer them advice and understanding , I hope we share the ups and downs sometimes with tears and often with laughter - yes we have fun and  I hope sometimes they appreciate my humour (OK well maybe not), and I hope they enjoy sharing my life – I am very public and post lots of pics of what Im doing.  I try to be honest and thoughtful,  I hope Im never rude to them and most of all as a consequence of my words I hope I never make them feel like they have done something wrong or are inadequate as a friend. 

So to all of you Im sorry if I have ever offended you by not answering you, its not because I don’t care or wasn’t interested, its more likely to be because I was feeling poorly , down or suffering with brain fog.  And for the many of you who havent answered my tweets - its ok - im not offended I understand that is the nature of Twitter and of chronic illness.  Maybe youve unfollowed me because my tweets dont interest you thats ok too...I understand,  Ive done the same. 

So the real message from this post is be kind to your fellow twitterers , most of mine are rheumies or suffering from some other chronic illness and we share a special bond, think about the consequences of your words and the impact they may have on someone elses feelings , many of us with chronic illness have anxiety issues and most of us  have much to deal with in our lives without the burden of being made to feel  insincere and shallow (yes words X used in a tweet to someone else) .  

As this weeks gone on,  Im ok with it, I've more important things in my life to focus on Im surrounded with people who love me and theres no place for bitterness in my world, but it was so unnecessary. As my lovely friend Katrina said to me recently underneath all of our bravado we are actually very fragile.

And lastly thankyou to all of my wonderful friends that have offered me support this week (you know who you are) your words have renewed my faith in the Twitter community.

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