So So So Lucky

A quiet spot to relax and have a coffee

It has been a long time since my last post and although I have thought about my blog frequently I haven’t had the mental strength to write my thoughts.  Why? I don’t know.  I had a cold a few months back that threw me into a fit of anxiety, my first illness since starting Enbrel, I was convinced I would get an infection.  In reality -  I didn’t  - I’ve had many vague annoying complaints like tingling pains in my right leg that I was convinced was MS, my Doctor said No and its gone!  A sour metallic taste in my mouth that has gone on for months , Acid Reflux? -  Started my PPI’s again,  Post Nasal Drip?  - have been given a steroid nasal spray and been using a sinus rinse but convinced this was ‘something more’ went to see an ENT specialist.  Camera up nose, no problems, sinus’s are pristine he said, must be all that nasal washing!  In all fairness the taste is subsiding  and some days it’s hardly there it’s my anxiety about it all that is the real problem. Only this morning I visited the GP again because I had a slightly swollen patch under my tongue she assured me it is not infected just a bit red and slightly swollen but as I am going away she has given me some dissolvable hydrocortisone which we hope will calm everything down. A few years ago if I had any of these issues I would of shrugged them off and they would no doubt of passed on their own but my returning RA and my med reactions had made me worry about everything. To add something else  to the mix I also kept altering the dose of my Estrogen patch which threw my hormones into free fall and made me think  I was truly going mad.

Well hormone patch is back to regular dose and feel more emotionally stable because of it (never underestimate the power of your hormones ladies). Most niggley issues have or are resolving  and I feel really ungrateful.  Why – well because I went to my Rheumy appointment last Friday and everything is good, no better than good it’s great.  My RA is completely controlled on Enbrel  I do not have to take any other DMARDs to support it, I do not have any pain or stiffness and never have the need to take pain relief unless I have a headache.  My blood results are normal with my ESR at 1 and my CRP at under 4.  I should be celebrating not angsting about what might happen!

I am going on holiday tomorrow and  I have spent weeks worrying about the fact that I ‘might’ catch an infection whilst away and what will I do as I’m allergic to many antibiotics, in fact no one really knows what I can take although I have a list of what to take in varying senarios!

But the reality is ‘I am lucky’ in fact I have a charmed life. I have a  partner who loves, adores and supports me.  I have two wonderful  daughters who have grown into beautiful, caring, compassionate women,  who enrich my life and I am blessed that they still want to spend so much time with me.  I have an adorable Granddaughter who I love more every day and brings me so much joy. I have the cutest Chihuahua called Joey and I really never knew you could love a dog this much. I have a lovely home with a beautiful garden.  I have an apartment in Marbella, Spain where I can holiday when I feel up to it and Im lucky enough to drive a BMW which is light on the steering and automatic transmission so its kind to my partly fused wrists.  I don’t say this to brag or boast but because acknowledging these things in print is a reality check and a form of therapy for me  and I hope I will look back and remind myself,  that yes I have RA,  but oh I am so so so lucky I have all this and my meds are working.  My life is truly blessed.

So I am off on holiday tomorrow 13^th June I’m heading off for nearly 4 weeks in the sun with the intention of appreciating my life and enjoying time with those I love (My whole family is coming with me).  I am driving with my eldest daughter, my Granddaughter and both of our dogs and the rest of the family will fly out on Saturday. I am going to try and tweet some pictures of my road trip and holiday if I find the time - because most of all I want to relax and enjoy myself!

My Beautiful Joe