Success, Hope and Positivity

When the sun is shining the world seems
like a better place - My garden this week

I’m now at the 6-week mark in my Enbrel journey and last week saw the Rheumatoid Nurse for a check up.  My ESR has remained low at 2 along with my CRP, which is at 4.  Medication wise I am now just on Enbrel 50mg, NO painkillers and NO PRED.   I am an Enbrel success story or so I am led to believe, of course what no one knows is how long my success will last.  For some the relief has lasted for 14 years or so, others still going strong at 5/6 years and yet for others it has lasted only a few months.  But I feel full of hope, overflowing with positivity and so so grateful for my success. What I must do now is remain positive.  When talking to the nurse about dos and don’ts her advice was ‘enjoy your life while your pain free’.  And she’s right there is absolutely no point in me worrying about what will or won’t happen – it’s an unknown - I have to enjoy every single minute of this pain free life.  I haven’t tried many meds for very long periods of time and it was always my Rheumatologists goal that I should be on a Biologic, I think his view and that of many other Rheumatologists is that it’s only the Biologics that work really well.  I think that a picture had always been built in my mind of a miracle drug, one with potential serious side effects, but still a miracle.  It never really figured in my thoughts that it wouldn’t work, oh I muttered the words ‘It might not work for me’ but deep down inside I always hoped, believed and remained positive that it would.  Should Enbrel fail me I will switch to another Biologic with the same hope and positivity that it will work and maybe for longer.

This is maybe easy for me to say or write because I haven’t yet had the disappointment of a drug that I pinned my hopes on not working for me.  I know many of my fellow RA’ers have tried many of the Biologics with no success and it must be hard to maintain hope and positivity whilst crippled with pain and fatigue going through the highs and lows of starting new medications which then has no effect. The stress of waging a constant health battle can get to you, day after day, week after week - It's easy to get down and depressed. The fear factor then enters the game, fear of the future, fear of nothing working this creates more stress and a negative mental state -- pessimism, feeling overwhelmed, being burnt out – and then this has a negative effect on your immunity. When you have a chronic long term illness you must have hope.  Without hope you have no future or at least it looks bleak and a positive attitude is a must when looking at treatment choices. There is also evidence that people who have a positive attitude, what is called realistic optimism, the fighting spirit… they live longer, do better…so never give up!

Now that I have enjoyed a respite from this dreaded illness even for these few short weeks I am not prepared to let in back into my life.  I have whole periods of time now where my illness no longer dominates my thoughts, I can exercise again, I can walk fairly long distances, I can open jars and bottles, carry heavy pans, change the duvet and dry my hair all without wincing in pain. I can get out of the bath without crying in agony and I can lift my Granddaughter and that fills me with joy when I have struggled for so long.  I can make plans for the weekend, for next week, next month and maybe even further ahead.   I am me again, I thought I was lost… but I wasn’t… I was just hiding under a cloak of pain and despair.

My walking route I take with my dog Joe
- about a mile - takes me 20 minutes

As usual comments appreciated, welcomed, even begged for!